September 17, 2002
Yee Haw (Part 1)

The President want sto go to war with Iraq. There are many reasons he could have for doing so. Your perspective of him will largely determine which of those reasons you will believe to be true. Is it really to control Iraqi Oil? To avenge Poppy's percieved failure? To rid the world of a Madman? I don't know. I don't really care. What is known and accepted by all is that he wants to kill that fucker Saddam. Badly.

So there has been a lot of talk in the Press about the Colin v Cheney/Rummy fighting over process. Colin, being the Boy Scout he is, wanted to go through the UN. Cheney/Rummy just wanted to say "Fuck you UN pussies. This needs done. We're gonna do it!". So they fought back and forth. Well, it seemed Colin won. The President spoke before the UN. Made a case. Had a nice list of all the UN rules Iraq had broken. 16 of them. I know, it's not nearly as many as the US ignores, but stay with me.

So Bush gives this speach. In his slow, one sentence, pause, another sentence, pause, etc... manner he made his case, such as it was. The UN pussies changed their tone. He seemed to have changed the perception of the World that he was just a gung-ho trigger-happy cowboy. The Neo-Cons orgasmed with delight. The UN was now speaking on OUR terms, and issued a demand for weapons inspectors.

Now, the "weapons of mass destruction" mantra was key for developing support for US military action. The last thing the President expected was for Iraq to open the doors and let the UN in. And that's just what they did!

So now Iraq is saying "Come see us. Stick flashlights up our asses looking for weapons of mass destruction. We welcome you with cheeks spread. We will show you we have nothing to hide, and America just wants our Oil!" They then hold up a picture of my truck to demonstrate America's need for Oil.

This is Brilliant! China and Russia (who don't want to the US to get that Oil) quickly come out and say how happy they are that Iraq has allowed us to check their colon for anthrax. The Administration, however, makes an awkward (but valid) objection, saying "Oh yeah? Well you still need to do all this other stuff!" and points out a few little things that are not the crux of their argument for military action. They reiterate that they will be kicking some ass if ALL of their demands aren't met.

So in one short day, the President went from dopey warmonger to respected protector of the World back to dopey warmonger. If he goes back, I'll right part 2. I won't be holding my breath. ;)

Posted by danisaacs at September 17, 2002 12:53 PM
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